please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
