Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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