I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
