It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There's a naked man in my car right now.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have tasted many bathrooms
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
