So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
