well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
