you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
