One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
