not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
