I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
