I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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