My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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