I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
