tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
