Sponge bath it is.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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