I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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