My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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