I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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