I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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