I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Randomize
