I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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