Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
