ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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