my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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