Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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