thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
