We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
