you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
