Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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