So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
