I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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