and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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