I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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