My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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