opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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