spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
