Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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