You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
