It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
