I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
