so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
