I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
