Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
