It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
