You can't motorboat a personality
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
