If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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