You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
