6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Boobs are out for the taking
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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