I cannot find my penis.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The feeling are messing with the penis
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
