nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
