So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
